but what i really want to focus on right now is how can one person accurately photograph someone who is completely different from them. How can a person understand another person, so different from them, in order to accurately portray them?
As many of you know, when I was younger I tried to get people to call me a variety of different things - ranging from fiddlesticks, to felix, to i don't even remember, I was never really satisfied with "Lori" as a name. When I became a bat mitzvah, I hit upon Liora, which I had always known was in some way my name through my "jewish name" (whatever that means), but i had never considered it as a potential name. When I finally, at my bat mitzvah ceremony, asked people to call me Liora, I never had a desire to get people to call me something different ever again. After my Bat Mitzvah my life and outlook on life also changed very dramatically...I changed from a shy little girl into an outgoing one. This changed my life, and I was very happy for it.
However, Liora is not my legal name, and at work everyone calls me Lori. Even though people still occasionally call me Lori, it doesn't really affect me in any way. However, when it's all the time by people that i've only recently met (people who I would probably have otherwise introduced myself as liora) I find myself trying on Lori's skin again. It's weird - i'm a lot quieter at work, want to be patted on the head more, i feel like i act more like Lori - the girl i grew out of - and less like Liora, the girl i want to be. I'm not really sure how I feel about this...sure, some of it is probably due to nerves, but it's a little like living a double life.
Lori is so different from Liora...maybe not phonetically, but emotionally she feels different. How can I accurately portray myself through Lori, with the confidence i've built through Liora? How do I show myself so that the true me comes through? Is the true me roots of Lori and branches of Liora? Is it necessary to even reflect on this? Is the reflection itself making the transition harder? is a name just a name, or a state of being? Which name is the objective truth? How can I make sure that my matured, grown through experience self comes through, when I feel like someone without those experiences? How can I relate to someone I haven't been for about eight years?
dinner menu tonight: existential eggplant crying bitter tears, sauteed mushrooms, apple, spinich, mozzerella, left-over-garlic potatoe salad, and a side of Indiana Jones. Yumm.
6 comments:
Hi Liora - What an interesting commentary on your name(s)! I never saw it that way. FYI...it is not unusual at all to be called by one's nickname at work - I always have been - as long as you let people know up front. Once you start with one name, it can be hard to change it, but not impossible, if you tell each person as you see them. On the other hand, since this job is only for a limited time, you may want to experiment with seeing if Liora's personality can survive when called Lori.
Either way - you have come a long way!
Love, YVLM
I still get confused when I'm at a workplace and people call me Michael. It happens to me.
Oh, and yes, I am reading this blog. :)
--Mickey
What's in a name? A rose by any other name would still smell sweet! And Liora by any other name is still our sweet Lori!
LYP&G
Am I different depending on what I am doing? Am I a different person because I am working for someone? Am I a different person (acting differently) with my friends...?
Always want to be liked, Always want to be in the mix... Always want to be perceived to be doing good and doing my best
does that make me a different person to different people?
I think its all you :-), and there is probably more to come... :-)
This entry resonated with me really strongly, for obvious reasons. My roommate asked me today, "When did you become Dane?" and I answered "When my sister invented it, or the day I started college, whichever works."
I know one of the reasons we got the names we did was because our parents wanted us to have American names. Names that wouldn't be mocked or mispronounced, names that could be keys to acceptance instead of barriers.
But Lori and Dana are assimilation names - beautiful, but not so visible, not so vibrant and outstanding. We both wanted more for ourselves. We are more bold than that.
At the poetry slam in Detroit, each competitor was asked to introduce herself to the group by means of haiku. This one was mine:
I tell people: Dane,
like Great Dane. I chose the name
myself - fit like skin.
I kinda understand. Its like when people call me jesse, its weird...really weird. Like someone mistaking me for someone else. Although now Jules calls me that occasionally. I just let him cause he's Jules, although it still feels a little strange. You are totally Liora. I can never think of you as Lori, and not because i have always known you as Liora. Everyone is who he or she chooses to be, whether we make those decisions consciously or not. You chose to be Liora, and that is who you are.
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