Developing

Developing film was a process that I learned last semester. It's very calming, frustrating, exciting, magical...well, a whole list of adjectives basically. Let me outline the steps of developing negatives for you.

1. put your film on a film reel. in the pitch black dark.
2. put your film reel into a light-tight canister. in the dark.
3. turn on the lights, walk into the sink room.
4. prewash your film with room-temp water
5. add developer chemical into the light tight container. slosh around for a good long while.
6. add stop chemical to stop the developing process. slosh around for 30 seconds.
7. add fix chemical. slosh.
8. open canister, put film through final wash.
9. drop in some photoflo (to prevent streaks!).
10. hang to dry.

now, a recipe for a basic first internship:
1. get internship. difficult, but with persistence usually things come through. usually.
2. get dressed. in the dark (or at least the early morning light)
3. become enlightened as to what your internship entails. get shown to an office.
4. begin learning about the culture of your organization. get your hands a little dirty.
5. add culture. slosh.
6. add your own assertiveness. stop cultural imperialism! be your own person! (but only for 30 seconds)
7. add hard work to produce an outcome, or multiple outcomes. slosh.
8. show work to boss, watch it get marked up, returned to you for final go-over.
9. make it preeeeeeeettty.
10. and then it's over.

ah...comparison lists. much like the lengthy to-do list on my desk.

***note: i was thinking about where the whole "learning and growing" aspect fit in here...i guess it's that when you're developing film the images are already there, the developing brings it out of you. You always had the ability to do your job, but the process it what makes it visible to others, as well as yourself.

Shooting Posture

When shooting, especially without flash or in low light settings, it is important to have proper camera posture to try and eliminate as much shake as possible. It's important, for example, to keep your elbows close to your body to provide stability for the camera - you're leaning on something, it helps.

of course, you could also just grab your friend and use him or her as a tripod. this is also quite effective, unless he or she does not wish to be a tripod, in which case your efforts may fail miserably.

but it's also important to develop your own stance, so that you know what's comfortable and what works for you. it's important to be comfortable whenever you're doing art - otherwise it'll read in your artwork. even though they might not realize it consciously, viewers will recognize your anxiety, discomfort, or distrust in your own work subconsciously...you need to have confidence, and confidence often comes with comfort and a little bit of individuality.

finally, after all summer, I'm finally starting to feel really comfortable at work. people are starting to hand me more responsibility, i feel like an actual employee that people trust and enjoy spending time with, rather than just an intern thrown into the middle of everyone's life, both at their convenience and inconvenience. I've stopped being afraid to slouch, i've started showing a little personality. I speak in French to my boss without being scared, and I know more people and have more confidence getting around the building. it's nice - i've recognized the culture of the place, and in all the different departments i work in, but also recognized how I, Lori or Liora, can fit in.

I also think that Lori's grown up a little bit too. her name still seems weird, but i think given the situation she's done quite well.

It's also been great having the other scholars here - together we bounce ideas off eachother, talk about our respective experiences both good and bad, and what we want to do with our lives. Dr. LaHurd and E.B. have been amazing - they're like our pseudo grandfathers. They're great mentors, and obviously really care about us and our futures. it's hard to believe how amazing this program is sometimes. They are the friend tripod - there to support us, but it's up to us to frame, control, and click the shutter.

aside from all this, the internship is almost over. overall, I feel really different than I had at the beginning of the summer. i feel ready to kinda take on these upcoming challenges - ready to face the consulate, face France, face a foreign language. i can cook now, i can talk, I know I can do this.

today one of the scholars, Jan (think j = y folks), said something really interesting at our weekly meeting. He said something along the lines of "I see people doing things, and because they can do these things, I just reason that I should be able to do them too. And so i can. there's no reason I can't."

I've never reasoned things that way. Because of my difficulties with math and science, I just always assumed there were things that I was better at doing, and some things that maybe i just wasn't meant to understand. I think that this is where a lot of my anxiety stems from - my fear that I just won't be able to do it.

I have these dreams sometimes, where in them I'm in danger, and I go to slap my pursuer across the face, but I can't. My wrist just goes limp. I can hardly even control my arm...it's as if all my muscles have gone numb. I think that's the feeling i get when i get anxious - i just can't control anything.

I think that Jan has given me new hope though.

as cliche as it is, i feel like a flower - i'm just growing and learning. however, I don't feel like a flower, because some flowers have short lives, and they're delicate, and when things change - like they're put in a new environment. so in that way, i don't feel like a flower at all...maybe i feel like cactus, or navajo corn...same corn, just put in a different place to adapt to.

...click. shutter closes. more later. love to all. write me! i want to know how you're all doing!!!

Couple Portraits

Ah...the classic portrait question. How does one actually capture a couple without making it too cute, or too romantic, or too edgy, or too sexy? It's a difficult conundrum, especially when a photographer is only first introduced to said couple. How do you make the personality of the couple come out?

wellllllllllll...when you're one of the people IN the couple, it makes it a little easier :-D however...it's also very extremely easy to cross the overly cute line. OH WELL.

Soooo yea. I know I haven't updated in a while, but in all fairness, I've been kinda very busy, and now that Andrew is here...well...i have even less time :-). We're very happy, finally seeing each other after a four month break (aka: hell) and we're just havin a good time in the city. We went to fireworks tonight, batman and the feild museum saturday, etc etc etc.

everything is happy!


work is very busy. very extremely busy. Like i have a list of about 13 ongoing projects sitting on my desk at this very moment. Some, actually, to do with photography. my boss wants me to photograph certain things in the museum for a really big board meeting that's coming up. woohoo! exciting stuff. my second bout of photography at the museum...in case i didn't mention previously, I also photographed the fourth of july celebration.

in other news - i will definately have a visa for France before I leave here/have all of my forms in to my study abroad program. it's just taking me a little while to get there. but so far, the following photo pretty acurately describes my feelings about the situation:


that's all for now - i'll try not to let so much time pass before the next update!!

oh, and one other thing. MY OFFICIAL WEBSITE WILL ALSO BE UP BEFORE I LEAVE CHICAGO!!! (thanks to all the hard work of the lovely mr. tekamp!)

Self-Portraits

I've been thinking a lot about the interactive process I use in my photography. I like to take portraits, so a lot of my photography involves me, 1 or more models, and occasionally another photographer. While I love working with all these folks (wouldn't do it if i didn't love it) I miss the alone time of other studio art forms...like darkroom time, or the time where a painter is painting, meditating into brush strokes, or when a drawer (?) is shading a discrete portion of an apple, just totally oblivious and really into he or she is doing. Where I can just be alone and get really involved in what i'm doing, loose track of time, really get into poses and ideas that I might not feel comfortable asking my models to do. Because I'm missing this kind of alone time, I've decided to try out self portraiture. So far so good - it's very theraputic for me. put on some music, and go crazy. I posted the photos to facebook and my sister went crazy for one of them and told me to post them, so...here you go. more to come - i'm not really 100% happy with the angles and stuff, but i'm learning and liking it. :-)

Tripods

Tripods. A photographer's lifesaver in low lighting and long exposures. By keeping the camera steady, a tripod allows a photographer to create cool effects like shooting night scenes, or allowing lots of motion to get in an image...for all those familiar with the effect of a cars tail-lights and headlights becoming straight lines in photos (ex: http://www.digital-photography-tips.net/images/kl-night-time.jpg) this look, popularized by the Hedrich Blessing co. in Chicago (learn something new everyday), can only be made nicely with the aid of a tripod.

the first part of the word, tri, alludes to the three legs which support the camera.

I feel like there are three parts to my life right now - i have work at the museum, social life with the kemper folks and others, and then I have my photography work - I didn't really expect to have any photo work while here, but that sure has changed.

at pride, while cramed on the subway, my roommate nudges me and tells me that there's a gorgeous woman sitting behind me. I manage (somehow) to maneuver so I can see her, and indeed, she is gorgeous. Gathering up courage (and assuming she's on the way to pride herself) i tell her my name and ask whether it would be alright if we got off on the same stop and I took her photo. She agreed, and i took two quick shots and got her email to send them to her. I emailed her the photos, which came out better than expected due to crazy crowded streets and mobs due to pride, and she emailed me back asking whether i did portraits for pay.

do i ever.

we now have a shoot organized - a paying shoot. my second.

right after that, my roommate tells me that a friend of hers had looked at photos that i had taken of her, and needing headshots, asked for my contact information to schedule a shoot with me.

also, a more professional photo website should be appearing in the near future.

so yea. i think i'm doing pretty well right now in terms of that leg of my tripod-y life.

work at the museum, for the second leg, is going okay. Work is seriously slowing down which is a problem, because I'm often left with either nothing to do, or things that i can only due in small increments (such as sitting in the research center for hours looking up photos - which even for me can get tedious...i swear i know every single line in Abe Lincoln's face now. he's my second boyfriend). I think it'll pick up again though - tomorrow i'm helping at an event and one of my main jobs is to photograph the event. nooooo issues there.

for the third leg, fun with kemper kids, I think that's also going okay. I actually hang out more with non-kemper folks than i do with kemper folks, not because of anything bad, but they're more who i fell in with. I have close kemper friends, but we're all so tired at the end of the day i feel like we never see eachother except on weekends. it's weird, but okay. I'm happy, so it doesn't really bug me. and kemper folks always chill on the weekends. Also, i've been feeling a little stressed out about this france thing. but i guess that's to be expected. I'm leaving on Sept. 2nd, for all those who want to know. on Air India. they better serve me curry. :-p

so that's my life right now. how're you all doing?
...you know you don't need an account to comment, right? :-p