Wanting the same old thing but delivering differently

...I really want a crepe.

but besides that.

so yom kippur sucked, and i'm not going to go into more detail then: a) was obviously starving and b) was alone.

I did a shoot yesterday of a girl in my group, hayley. She's also a photographer (but does more landscapes) and she's got this great hair. So together we headed out to the park. overall it went well, but i'm taking the same kinds of shots. it makes me sad cause i really want to start looking at things differently, getting a new angle, something more exciting than a pretty portrait. I like pretty portraits, but I've gotta start doing something different. so i tried some new, less realistic editing techniques, and i'm really liking them. I'm gonna start doing that more.
(<- except for the ones when she was hangin upsidown. those were new ideas)

tomorrow is my first day of photo class. Kinda nervous, but i think i can handle it. i think if i keep thinking about it that way, i'll do better. i hope.

i also think i'm gaining weight...my host mother wanted to go on a diet, but to her the diet was eating whatever the diet food was...plus dinner. cause if you didn't eat that, you'd be hungry! so...i'm not so sure she gets that. i try and walk everywhere and get my exercise, but she cooks with a lot of cream. and breakfast is bread and butter with jam. starting to need to eat some special k or something. maybe i'll buy some. maybe today i'll treat myself to a crepe like a "good luck with the start of your trying to loose healthy weight!" and then tomorrow really start. yea, i think i'll do that.

something that's really frustrating me about this program is that all the students are supposed to be out friday and saturday nights. but money for buying healthy food is a problem, and what ends up being eaten is fatty, cheaper food. it would be less expensive and healthier for me to buy something and cook it at home, but we're supposed to give our host families a break from us, and i don't have a kitchen somewhere else, and if i did cook at home i'd have to make enough for marie-claire also, thereby not giving her a break...etc.etc. it's really frustrating. can't i just make myself a salad with some chicken in it instead of a cream soup, meat, bread, fruit, salad...the list goes on. it's delicious, but i'm gaining weight. and i really don't want to cause i worked hard to loose the few pounds i did.

i hate delicious food. sometimes i wish marie-claire was a terrible cook so i wouldn't eat as much of it. also, she doesn't eat a lot but makes more for me so i feel obliged to finish it cause she looks at me funny when i don't. or at least i think she looks at me funny. hard to read expressions sometimes.

her granddaughter comes to live with us today. maybe she can help me finish the food.

...i ate raw meat. like hamburger meat. apparently an Armenian delicacy. never again.