When shooting, especially without flash or in low light settings, it is important to have proper camera posture to try and eliminate as much shake as possible. It's important, for example, to keep your elbows close to your body to provide stability for the camera - you're leaning on something, it helps.
of course, you could also just grab your friend and use him or her as a tripod. this is also quite effective, unless he or she does not wish to be a tripod, in which case your efforts may fail miserabl
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but it's also important to develop your own stance, so that you know what's comfortable and what works for you. it's important to be comfortable whenever you're doing art - otherwise it'll read in your artwork. even though they might not realize it consciously, viewers will recognize your anxiety, discomfort, or distrust in your own work subconsciously...you need to have confidence, and confidence often comes with comfort and a little bit of individuality.
finally, after all summer, I'm finally starting to feel really comfortable at work. people are starting to hand me more responsibility, i feel like an actual employee that people trust and enjoy spending time with, rather than just an intern thrown into the middle of everyone's life, both at their convenience and inconvenience. I've stopped being afraid to slouch, i've started showing a little personality. I speak in French to my boss without being scared, and I know more people and have more confidence getting around the building. it's nice - i've recognized the culture of the place, and in all the different departments i work in, but also recognized how I, Lori or Liora, can fit in.
I also think that Lori's grown up a little bit too. her name still seems weird, but i think given the situation she's done quite well.
It's also been great having the other scholars here - together we bounce ideas off eachother, talk about our respective experiences both good and bad, and what we want to do with our lives. Dr. LaHurd and E.B. have been amazing - they're like our pseudo grandfathers. They're great mentors, and obviously really care about us and our futures. it's hard to believe how amazing this program is sometimes. They are the friend tripod - there to support us, but it's up to us to frame, control, and click the shutter.
aside from all this, the internship is almost over. overall, I feel really different than I had at the beginning of the summer. i feel ready to kinda take on these upcoming challenges - ready to face the consulate, face France, face a foreign language. i can cook now, i can talk, I know I can do this.
today one of the scholars, Jan (think j = y folks), said something really interesting at our weekly meeting. He said something along the lines of "I see people doing things, and because they can do these things, I just reason that I should be able to do them too. And so i can. there's no reason I can't."
I've never reasoned things that way. Because of my difficulties with math and science, I just always assumed there were things that I was better at doing, and some things that maybe i just wasn't meant to understand. I think that this is where a lot of my anxiety stems from - my fear that I just won't be able to do it.
I have these dreams sometimes, where in them I'm in danger, and I go to slap my pursuer across the face, but I can't. My wrist just goes limp. I can hardly even control my arm...it's as if all my muscles have gone numb. I think that's the feeling i get when i get anxious - i just can't control anything.
I think that Jan has given me new hope though.
as cliche as it is, i feel like a flower - i'm just growing and learning. however, I don't feel like a flower, because some flowers have short lives, and they're delicate, and when things change - like they're put in a new environment. so in that way, i don't feel like a flower at all...maybe i feel like cactus, or navajo corn...same corn, just put in a different place to adapt to.
...click. shutter closes. more later. love to all. write me! i want to know how you're all doing!!!
